14. Juli 2026
EN: Before Memory – When Questions Take Us Further Than Answers
By Cindy Heinzemann · cinVice Blog · July 2026 · Approx. 6-minute read
A Novel About the Soul, Consciousness, Memory – and the Courage to Live with Uncertainty
Some questions accompany us quietly.
Not every day. Not always consciously. But they are there – somewhere beneath the demands of everyday life, beneath appointments, roles, responsibilities, and routines.
Where do I come from?
Why am I here?
What remains of me when I am gone?
The novel Before Memory begins at precisely this threshold: in a place before the first breath, before the first name, before everything a person may later be able to remember.
It is a story about souls preparing to enter a life. But perhaps even more than that, it is a story about us. About what we bring with us. About what we carry. About what we cannot explain – and yet somehow feel.
Discover the book: Order BEFORE MEMORY on Amazon
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A Story Before the First Beginning
At the heart of the novel is Aren. He accompanies souls shortly before they enter a life. He sees their memories, fears, possibilities, and inner fragments – but not his own.
Six souls come to him. Each carries a different question.
Lyra asks about permission and self-worth.
Elian carries the weariness of many experiences.
Nia grieves for children who were never born.
Jaro wonders whether a short life can still be complete.
Mira searches for answers for so long that she almost forgets how to arrive.
Theo doubts – not because he is cold, but because he takes the world seriously.
Each of these characters represents a deeply human theme. And perhaps that is precisely where the novel’s power lies: it does not speak about what came before in order to prove anything. Instead, it uses this imagined space to make life itself more visible.
Because ultimately, the question is not only where we come from.
It is also how we choose to live while we are here.
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Memory Is More Than the Past
One of the novel’s central motifs is that of “fragments”: inner images, impressions, possibilities, and emotions.
Some arise from experiences that have been lived.
Others come from what never came to be.
And some appear to know something that cannot yet be called a memory.
In this way, the novel touches upon one of philosophy’s oldest questions: Do we carry something within us before we consciously experience it?
In his dialogues, Plato explored the idea that learning might be a form of recollection. In the Phaedo in particular, this concept is linked to the assumption that the soul existed before birth and that gaining knowledge may therefore also be a process of rediscovery. (Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy)
The novel does not present this idea as a claim. It transforms it into a poetic possibility.
Perhaps not every feeling of familiarity can be explained.
Perhaps not every inner image is simply imagination.
Perhaps we carry more within us than our conscious memory is able to organise.
Modern research also recognises phenomena that challenge our everyday understanding of memory. During déjà vu, we experience the feeling that we have already lived through a particular situation, even though we rationally recognise it as new. A recent review discusses déjà vu in connection with memory errors and a conflict between memory and expectation. (ScienceDirect)
This is precisely the boundary explored in Before Memory: the space between familiarity and uncertainty, between image and meaning, between memory and possibility.
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Consciousness: The Unsolved Mystery
The scientific dimension of the novel becomes particularly visible through Theo.
Theo represents the rational perspective. The study of consciousness. Doubt. The need to understand a mechanism before taking the next step.
In doing so, the novel touches upon what is known as the hard problem of consciousness: Why does subjective experience exist at all? Why does anything feel like something? Why is there an inner world rather than merely biological information processing?
The philosopher David Chalmers articulated this question particularly clearly. He distinguishes between the comparatively “easy” problems of consciousness – such as perception, attention, and information processing – and the hard problem: why these processes are accompanied by subjective experience at all. (consc.net)
Theo brings this exact tension into the story.
He wants to explain.
He wants to understand.
He wants to prove.
And yet, at some point, he is confronted with a moment he can no longer define or categorise with certainty.
This is not a rejection of science. Quite the opposite: it is an appreciation of its most honest foundation. Science does not begin with absolute certainty. It begins with a question that is taken seriously enough not to be answered prematurely.
The novel therefore does not say: Choose belief over thought.
Instead, it asks: What happens when thinking reaches its limits – and we still have to move forward?
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Near-Death Experiences: Between Research and Wonder
Near-death experiences are another theme that quietly resonates in the background of the novel.
Following life-threatening situations or resuscitation, people repeatedly report similar experiences: light, peace, a sense of leaving the body, encounters with others, or a review of their life. The well-known prospective study conducted by Pim van Lommel and his colleagues examined near-death experiences among survivors of cardiac arrest, including their frequency, depth, and content. (The Lancet)
Studies of this kind do not prove what happens after death. They do, however, demonstrate that these experiences feel real to many people and can be profoundly formative and life-changing.
For Before Memory, the question of proof is therefore less important.
What matters more is the inner movement:
What do we see when our life suddenly becomes visible as a whole?
What remains when our external roles fall away?
What do we continue to carry – in the form of love, guilt, longing, fear, or the impact we have had?
The source in the novel does not simply reveal the past. It reveals what is still active within a soul.
And sometimes that is precisely the point: not everything that shapes us is neatly organised within our conscious memory.
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Regression, Hypnosis, and the Limits of Interpretation
Hypnosis and regression also open up a controversial space for reflection.
The psychological community is highly critical of regression into supposed past lives. The APA Dictionary of Psychology describes past-life regression as a highly controversial hypnotic regression technique in which people are guided to relive an alleged previous existence. (APA Dictionary of Psychology)
This is precisely why a clear distinction is important.
Before Memory is not a presentation of evidence. It is not a therapeutic concept. It is not a spiritual doctrine.
It is a novel.
And as a novel, it is free to ask a different question: What if inner images do not have to be historically verifiable in order to be psychologically meaningful?
Even when an image cannot explain where it came from, it may still reveal what is active within us.
A fear.
A longing.
A loss.
An unfulfilled desire.
A sentence we never heard.
Or a truth we find easier to offer to others than to ourselves.
The novel therefore does not become an answer. It becomes a mirror.
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Time, Observation, and What Came Before
Another theme touched upon in the afterword is modern physics – particularly where it challenges our everyday understanding of time.
The theory of relativity demonstrated that time is not simply an absolute quantity that is the same for everyone. Space and time are interconnected, and measurements depend on the observer’s frame of reference. NASA describes the general theory of relativity as one of the fundamental theories of modern physics, while also emphasising that it continues to be researched and tested. (NASA Science)
The novel does not turn this into a physical explanation of the soul or consciousness.
Instead, it creates a space for reflection:
If time is not as self-evident as it feels, what does a beginning mean?
What does memory mean?
What does it mean for something to have existed before?
Perhaps not everything begins where our memory begins.
Perhaps our first conscious moment is not our first beginning.
Before Memory plays with precisely this possibility – not as a theory, but as an invitation to wonder.
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Arriving Instead of Collecting Answers
One of the novel’s quietest and, at the same time, most powerful characters is Mira.
Mira searches. In philosophy, theology, quantum physics, and meditation. She wants to understand why she is here. She wants to find the answer that will finally put everything in order.
But the moment that truly changes her is not a great breakthrough.
It is a quiet moment.
A garden.
Morning light.
A bee.
Here, the novel touches upon a psychological theme: presence, deep absorption, and flow. Mihály Csíkszentmihályi developed the concept of flow as a state of complete immersion in which attention and action merge and the sense of self temporarily recedes into the background. (Cambridge University Press & Assessment)
Mira’s experience is not a classic performance-related state of flow. She does not create a masterpiece, win a competition, or solve a problem.
She simply looks.
And that is precisely where the insight lies: sometimes arriving is not a place. Sometimes it is a moment in which we stop believing that we need to be somewhere else.
Perhaps this is one of the book’s most important movements:
Not from uncertainty to an answer.
But from uncertainty to presence.
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The Six Souls – and What They Reveal to Us
The six souls are not abstract ideas. They are human. Vulnerable. Unfinished. And that is precisely what makes them so moving.
Lyra reveals how deeply questions of self-worth can affect us. She waits for someone to give her permission to leave, to speak, to exist. Her development begins when she stops searching for that permission outside herself.
Elian embodies the weariness that can come with experience. He has lived through so much that nothing seems new anymore. Yet one unanswered question is enough to open something within him again.
Nia carries the love she feels for children who never entered the world. She shows us that grief does not begin only when it becomes visible to others. Some forms of love have no place in the physical world – and yet they are real.
Jaro asks whether a short life can still be complete. His story does not answer in terms of duration, but in terms of impact. Perhaps what matters is not only how long we remain, but what continues through us.
Mira searches for what is essential and almost overlooks the quiet moments along the way. Her story reminds us that not every answer has to be greater than the moment in which we are truly present.
Theo doubts. But his doubt is not condemned. It is taken seriously. In the end, doubt itself is not his problem. The problem is the way he has used it: as a reason not to move forward.
And Aren?
Aren believes that he is there to accompany the others. But as the story unfolds, another possibility emerges: perhaps they have come to accompany him.
And perhaps this reflects an experience familiar to many coaches, mentors, therapists, consultants, and psychologists: when we support the development of others, we do not only accompany their journey. Through every encounter, we also come to recognise another part of ourselves.
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Why This Book Belongs with cinVice
Before Memory is not a work of non-fiction. It is not a spiritual textbook. It is not a scientific treatise.
It is a story.
A thought experiment.
An invitation to consider possibilities.
And yet, it touches upon the very heart of cinVice:
Development begins within.
Consciousness makes change possible.
Many of the answers we seek may not already exist within us in a finished form – but they may be present as a direction, a longing, or a question.
Aren accompanies others without knowing himself. Only through his encounters with the souls does he begin to see his own emptiness not as a deficiency, but as an unwritten page.
Perhaps this is the book’s most tender message:
Not every open question is a problem.
Some open questions are beginnings.
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Before Memory – and in the Midst of Life
Perhaps we do not read stories about the soul, death, origin, and consciousness because we want to escape from life.
Perhaps we read them because they lead us back to it.
Back to the question of whether we are enough.
Whether our love remains.
Whether a short life can be complete.
Whether doubt is allowed.
Whether we can continue searching without losing ourselves.
Whether we can arrive without having understood everything.
Before Memory offers no definitive answers.
But perhaps that is precisely its strength.
Because some books do not want to explain to us what is true.
They remind us to begin asking again.
And sometimes, development begins in exactly that place:
not in the answer,
but in the moment
when we finally allow the question to take up space.
Stand by your questions.
They are not the problem.
They are the beginning.
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Order the Book
BEFORE MEMORY by Cindy Heinzemann is available to order soon.
Order here:
https://www.amazon.de/dp/B0H61QFBHW
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Sources and Scientific Reference Points
The following sources explore scientific and philosophical themes addressed in the novel’s afterword. They are included not as evidence for the fictional world of the novel, but as professional reference points for the areas of thought it touches upon:
Plato / Recollection and the Soul: In the Phaedo, the concept of recollection is presented as an argument for the existence of the soul before birth. (Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy)
Déjà Vu / Memory and Expectation Conflict: In their review, Aitken, Jentzsch, and O’Connor discuss déjà vu as a phenomenon associated with memory errors and conflicts between memory and expectation. (ScienceDirect)
David J. Chalmers / The Hard Problem of Consciousness: Chalmers defines the hard problem of consciousness as the question of why subjective experience exists at all. (consc.net)
Pim van Lommel et al. / Near-Death Experiences: This prospective study examined near-death experiences among survivors of cardiac arrest, including their frequency, depth, and content. (The Lancet)
APA Dictionary of Psychology / Past-Life Regression: Regression into supposed past lives is described as a controversial hypnotic regression technique. (APA Dictionary of Psychology)
NASA / General Relativity and Spacetime: The theory of relativity fundamentally changed the traditional understanding of space, time, and the observer’s perspective. (NASA Science)
Mihály Csíkszentmihályi / Flow: The concept of flow describes states of deep absorption and optimal experience. (Cambridge University Press & Assessment)
For direct access to the online sources referenced in this article, please consult the German-language version of this post.
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Cindy Heinzemann – Founder of cinVice · Let’s |FLOW || GROW ||| GLOW
Conscious growth with lasting impact – from the inside out.
For questions, suggestions, reviews, or any other enquiries, please feel free to use the comment section below this article. Alternatively, for matters relating to my work as an author, you can contact me directly by email here.